Tuesday, July 11th, begins with a session with Natalie. Tune up done - check! Visit to the breast surgeon to get the okay for surgery didn't go as well. Theresa tells me the pinpoints have cleared but now sees a rash on my stomach. She thinks it may be a yeast infection - really?!? She tells me if that's the case, the nurses won't want to start chemo. This is what I don't want to hear! The pinpoints are closed and now this? I don't want anything to jeopardize my chemo schedule. My main focus is on my son's wedding. I want to have the most energy I can for that special day. We agree that I will apply Cortizone to the area and call my oncology nurse. I leave hopeful but apprehensive.
My sister Kelle and her daughter, Haley are here for MSU orientation - GO STATE! We go to Denise's for a family dinner. It was a nice night, filled with hearing about Haley's orientation and their family trip to Ireland. I speak with my niece, Allison, about what to expect tomorrow as she's an infusion nurse. She has been a tremendous help to me and I truly appreciate her for it. Not much is discussed about tomorrow and I'm grateful. I'm tired of thinking about it. I like staying present. I need to stay in the now. I find my sanity in the now.
We go home and watch some television. We're in bed by 11:30, of course, Bob falls asleep immediately! I, on the other hand, watch television and eventually read. It's close to 3:30 and I've still not gone to sleep. Bob wakes up and asks me if I'm alright. Yes, I respond, just fine. Then why aren't you asleep? he asks. I start to cry a little and say "I don't want to go to sleep, I want to stay awake and feel normal for awhile. I don't know the next time I'll feel this healthy. I'm not in pain, I don't feel fatigue, I'm not nauseous, my bones don't ache. I don't know when I'll feel like this again. I don't want to let it go. I want to relish this a little bit longer." He understands and holds me till I eventually fall asleep.
I wake up, ground myself and meditate. I'm finding my gratitude for what I'm to be given today. I'm going with the Flow and seeing what the world will bring me.
Comentarios