I had since the previous Friday to deal with my diagnosis. I was able to get my head around it and come up with a game plan. I was calmer, centered and ready to tackle it. I did this last time I was diagnosed and I was so glad I did. When telling my children, I felt more empowered not lost.
Of course my first thoughts when told was "I have cancer again!" but quickly followed with "OMG, I have to tell my children I have cancer again!". As a parent, this was one of my worst nightmares. I can't believe I have to do this again! I'm devastated. Denise and I were going to dinner and had planned to go down and tell my mother. While in the car Nick calls and tells me he's just landed. I tell Denise I've got to get home and tell my kids.
While riding home, I think back to the last time I had to tell them and actually smile. I'm hoping the delivery is better than last time and that we find some humor. Denise drops me at home. Since Bob is in Dallas I will tell them by myself. Nick and Riley are there, Anthony is at work until 9:00. I want to tell them together but Nick is a pilot with a crazy schedule and I have grab him when I can. While I'm telling my children, Denise is going down to tell my Mom.
When I get home, Nick and Riley are waiting for me. God, I really don't want to do this again. I tearfully tell them, I have breast cancer again. I go through the tentative plan and watch my daughter silently cry and my older son become stoic. I look at Nick and tell him how sorry I am to have this now when it's supposed to be one of his most joyous times in his life. He looks at me and says "What are you sorry for, don't say that". I tell him I won't have hair for his wedding - his response "Who cares? You'll have two more weddings." My daughter is quiet. I tell them - this is another bump in the road and we'll get through this. It's life and you just handle it.
Nick leaves and Riley and I keep busy. I receive a text from Nick - he tells me he loves me and that we'll get through this. Riley and I plan a mindless evening. She convinces me to watch the Bachelor only after I make her watch Dancing with the Stars - lol! Mindless diversions are needed right now. Nick texts me again and asks Riley and I over to Molly's for dinner. Riley and I decide to go. On the way, Riley has a meltdown and cries "This is not fair. You already had cancer!" I tell her life isn't fair, everyone has something. This is just my path and it will give us many gifts as it did last time. We enjoy a meal with Nick and Molly and forget about life for a while. Just what the doctor ordered. Anthony comes home and I go into his room to tell him. I find myself getting choked up again. He's quiet while I tell him. He finally responds - Well that sucks! So true, Anthony, so true.
Children told - now on to tell the world.
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